your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
