Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
