I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
