Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
