Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I need moral support for this bender
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
