I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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