Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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