Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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