You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
