I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize
