So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
