I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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