The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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