Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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