he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
