She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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