its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
