Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize