i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
