If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
