totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm always down for nudity.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
