Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
