my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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