Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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