im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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