Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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