I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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