david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
