Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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