can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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