Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
