k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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