the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
