i don't like sucking hair
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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