id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
