So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
