so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
