her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
