I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When are your genitals available?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
