Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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