i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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