My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize