I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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