In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
