Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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