It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
