bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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