Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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