My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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