hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
