feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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