I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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