shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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