the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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