You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
