I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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