It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
