Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
