I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
