Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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