my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
